Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!

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I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '

They walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '

They Walk Among Us!

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Read more...

What women should tell men...but don’t

1. The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we’re watching football with you - it’s not bonding - it’s their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.

8. The next time you make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.

11. When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don’t mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!

13. When you’re out with us, please wear “our” favorite outfit rather than “yours” - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt.

15. Don’t insist that we “get off the stupid phone” and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily “women’s work”; besides, most of the “dirt” and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling… however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.

Why E-mail Is Like a Penis

1. Some people have it, some don't.

2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were cut off.

3. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

4. Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

5. If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

6. It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours.

7. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

8. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

9. It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself, "Why on earth did I do that?"

10.It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:

"India!" shouted Blair.

"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.

"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"

"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.

"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."

"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.

"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."

"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"

"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"

"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"

Read more...

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them


Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You`re in them


Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross dresser
Worse: He looks better than you


Good: Your son`s finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you


Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections


Good: Your wife`s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She`s a lawyer


Good: You get into bed, and she`s feeling horny tonight.
Bad: You are drunk, and are feeling tired.
Worse: You forgot her mother is staying over, and you`ve entered the wrong room.

Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W” ?

Becoz all Questions in the world starts with W ..

What ?

why ?

who ?

when ?

which ?

where ?

whom ?

women?:-D

1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..


2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..


4. (ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do i have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when i call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 pm?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime.

HIGH SCHOOL IN AMERICA -- 1959 vs. 2009

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack...

2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
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Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1959 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
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Read more...

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.........

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?