Humor

AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Its a Girl's WorldIts a Girl's World
If he is late for class, he told, "Time and Tide wait for none".
If she is late, then the bus was late.


If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, "Has he escaped from the Zoo?"


If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her"
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.


When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her.
But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl".


If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive".


If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in  the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!".


If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard".
But if a girl gets a big rank,... still got 33! Reservation.


If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.


If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast 'smile' says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer,"better luck next time".
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

His And Her DiaryHER DIARY..



Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at Beach. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.


I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else.


I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.




HIS DIARY!



Today we lost match. Damn it !!!.
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

12 Step Internet Recovery Program1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
The Banana TestThere  is a very, very tall coconut tree  and there are 4 animals,

a  Lion  ,   a Chimpanzee  ,  a Giraffe  ,  and a  Squirrel  ,  who pass  by.

They  decide to compete to see who is the fastest to  get a banana off the tree.

So think carefully . . .  Try and answer within 30 seconds.

Who  do you guess will win?

Your  answer will reflect your  personality.

Got  your  answer?

Now scroll down to see  the  analysis.





If  your answer is:

Giraffe = you're unrealistic.

Lion = you're not honest.

Chimpanzee = you're a complete moron.

Squirrel   = you're hopeless.

A  COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Leather Dresses

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???


Ever wonder why?

.

.

 

.

.

 

.

.

 

It's because she smells like a new Truck. :)

AddThis Social Bookmark Button
A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day. Here's his dynamite speech :


"Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children! This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason.


Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected,but at last with great difficulty she gave birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

Read more...

AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Just for Fun - Totally Pointless

Description:

1. While you are you are making an order, randomly start pressing the numbers on the phone and tell the guy to stop doing it.

2. Make up a credit card name and ask if they accept it.

3. Ask for a Big Mac, French fries and a Large Coke.

4. Finish the order with: “Remember, this conversation never happened”.

5. Tell him you’ve got another pizza delivery on the other line and you’re buying from the one who offers the lowest price.

6. Just give him your address and say “Surprise me”. Then hang up.

7. Answer his questions with other questions.

8. Spell the ingredients.

9. Stutter every time you say something with the letter “P”

10. Ask him if they have pizza.

Read more...

AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Things you don't want to hear in a tattoo parlor


--- Things you don't want to hear in a tattoo parlor ----

"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

"We're all out of red, so I used pink."

"There are two O's in Bob, right?"

"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."

"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."

"Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."

"Oops..."
AddThis Social Bookmark Button


Did I Read That Sign Right?

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK

 

AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Why did the chicken cross the road1.jpg

KINDERGARTEN BOY: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Read more...

Sponsored Ads