The cycle of missing goes like this in Malaysia ;


Get Vietnamese workers,
dogs missing.
Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls missing.
Get Indonesian workers,
money missing.
Get Indian workers,
jewellery missing.
Get Chinese workers,
husbands missing.
Call the police,
the evidence goes missing,
Call the lawyers,
the judge go missing,
Call the ministry of transport,
the reports go missing
Change the government,
funds go missing,
Say something and
you may be missing !!!

Jai ho, Jai ho, O Patni Rani, Karti ho tum man maani
(May you live long wife, the self willed wife)

Baat hamari hardam ho talti, hum utaaren teri aarti
(The one who never listens to us, we pray before you dear wife)

Tum saman balshali koi jag main nahi dooja
(No one is as powerful as you are in this world)

Hum toh hain balheen, tumahari Karen kiss tarah puja
(We are so powerless, tell us how should we worship you)

Hum se khana banwane wali, bartan manjwaane wali
(You make us cook and wash dishes)

Naukar sa hum ko dhutkaarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You kick us like slaves, we pray before you dear wife)

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Dress Well When Calling
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address? (on a dress??)
Caller: No, I have on a bra and a panty, why?


Roving Rat
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

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1.    When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

2.    If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

3.    Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
 
4.    Can you cry under water?

5.    Why do people say, 'You've been working like a dog' when dogs just sit around all day?

6.    Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

7.    Do fish ever get thirsty?

8.    Can you get cornered in a round room?

9.    Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

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Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
 
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Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
 
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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
 
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
 
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APPLICATION TO GO OUT AND RETURN LATE

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

Time of return

Date: Time of departure: NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

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Staff Xmas Party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2007
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time. However, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocketbook.
This gathering is only for employees! The CEO will make a special announcement at the party.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Pauline

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Some humor before the markets open!!

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's