Abortion in the ears.....Brilliant!

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah.... he is a gynaecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story.


My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.


I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.


"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."

"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"

"Not at all."

The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Marriage is like a fishing net. Each day fishermen use their nets to catch fish and sell them at the market. One fisherman takes his fish from the net every day, but let's debris from the ocean accumulate.

Eventually so much debris is caught in the net that he can hardly cast it out of the boat, and when he does, it's almost impossible to retrieve. Finally, in a fit of anger, he cuts the net loose and goes home without it. He's unable to catch and sell fish again until he buys another net.


Another fisherman removes debris every time he retrieves the net with the fish he caught. Each time he casts his net, it's clean and ready to catch more fish. As a result, he catches and sells enough fish to support himself and his family.


In this parable, the fish are emotional needs met in marriage and the debris are Love Busters, habits that cause unhappiness.


Bad marriages are like the first fisherman's net. Selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, independent behavior and dishonesty accumulate over time. The burden of the unhappiness they cause ruins a couple's willingness and ability to meet each other's emotional needs.

Eventually the marriage supplies no benefits to either spouse and ends in divorce or emotional separation.


Good marriages are like the second fisherman's net. Love Busters are eliminated as soon as they appear, making it easy for each spouse to meet the other's emotional needs.

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
 
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
 
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
 
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
 
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
 
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
 
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
 
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

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I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was  showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.

My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are Received.'

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.'

I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Aknowledgment Section,' My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How Is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

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One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'


He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.


The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'


A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!!!!

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a  year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.


The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,

'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following  year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.

The same nurse  was attending the delivery and  again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

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(Not listed in any particular order)

1) Be my best friend.
2) I need to know you call my name in your prayers

3) Hold me when I cry
4) Show and tell me that you love me often, and leave no doubt about it in my mind.

5) Show me your approval when I make a decision that is good.
6) Talk to me about what's important to you and to me.

7) Listen to me and don't treat me like I am stupid and don't know anything.
8) I need intimacy, and not just sexually. Anyone can have sex, but it takes a REAL man to be intimate.

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TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new  husband and asked for $20.00 for their first  lovemaking encounter. In  his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that   his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

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