Humor

New exam pattern based on IPL rules.gif


Cricket has reached exciting levels with IPL.... Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestions: -

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.

2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. 1st 15 minutes power play,  that is no invigilator in the exam hall. (Wow…!!! I will love this....!!!)

5. Introduce fair play awards.

6. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....!!
Welcome To Australia.jpg


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Have A Positive attitude.jpg


1. When your boss says - "You have screwed up this module"

Smile - it means "the other modules were good"

2. When your boss says - "I am not going to let you go early today evening"

Smile - It means "you can come late tomorrow"

3. When your boss says - "Do the documentation"

Smile - it means "Relax dude, you've done enough of coding, time to give your brains a break"

4. When your boss says - "You do nothing but just surf the internet"

Smile - it means "Dude, now I know where all that knowledge comes from"

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Stages of an Orkut account.jpg
Pappu (real name "Nilesh") opens an Orkut account.

Stage 1:
Pappu is called as "Pappu" and is 16 years old, have just cleared 10th standard exam. He opens an Orkut account.

About Me: Some "sher" explaining friendship and love.
Profile picture: Hritik or Shahid's photo
Album: Katrina, Ayesha Takia, Amrita Raos photos, Pics of Shah Rukh Khans home
Scraps: More "sher"s explaining all the philosophy in the world and claiming that Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.
Friends: Invitation sent to each and everyone on Orkut.
Communities: 10th standard batch community, Some brazilian community, Tendulkar / Federer fan community, Sunsign / Moonsign community
Testimonial: Messages like "hoz u" / "wch col" / "hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... u thr ..... tc" will be in the testimonials.


Stage 2:
Pappu has completed his bachelors. He is now called as Nilesh by everyone. He has got a job in a good company.

About Me: Only in this stage about me is really "About me". Its full of what Nilesh likes, what he doesnt like, what he does in his spare time etc etc.
Profile pic: Nilesh wearing goggle on some fort / tourist spot.
Album: Nilesh and gang visiting each and every Multiplex / Fort / Water Fall in 100 km radius on bike.
Scraps: Mainly this scrap from Girls "Do I know you ?"
Friends: All the school, college batch mates, all the girls who are open to accept friend requests
Communities: "Name Beginning with", "Surname beginning with", Company community, College community
Testimonial: Testimonial claiming how is he the "GD" of at least three guys and how average he is and how he could be a good BF.

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"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...


By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...and be ready for China .

In order to continue getting-by in China , we need to learn English the way it is spoken.........

Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

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Jack and Jill.jpg

Here’s how
The Indian TV news channels would report the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.


Prashant - TV Anchor
Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.

Amrita Shah
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons - Jack and Jill - had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.

Prashant
Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?

Amrita
Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after.

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Ain't Laughter the best medicine ... ?


JACK (age 3) was watching his Mum breastfeeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

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MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

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STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

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BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

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Om shanti Om ka dialogue Students ke andaaz mein ( Desi )


Om shanti Om ka dialogue Students ke andaaz mein ...

Itni shiddat se maine paas hone ki koshish ki hai,,,,,

ki har teacher ne mujhe marks na dene ki saazish ki hai,,,,,

Agar tum kisi paper mein paas hona chahte ho,,,

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Mushkil hai apna mel priye ( Desi Poem )


mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye, (my love)
tum MA 1st division ho, main hua matric phel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye, (union)
tum fauji afsar ki beti, main to kisaan ka beta hoon,
tum rabadi kheer malai ho, main to sattu sapreta hoon,
tum AC ghar mein rahti ho, main ped ke neeche leta hoon,
tum nai maruti lagti ho, main scooter lambreta hoon,
is kadar agar hum chup-chup kar aapas me prem badhayenge,
to ek roz tere daddy Am    rish Puri ban jaaenge, (alas he is no more!)
sab haddi pasli tod mujhe bhijwaa denge vo jail priye,


mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,

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Maths...

He's teaching her arithmetic,
He said it was his mission,
He kissed her once, he kissed her twice
And said, "Now that's addition."


Then as he added smack by smack
In silent satisfaction,
She sweetly gave the kisses back
And said,"Now that's subtraction."


Then he kissed her and she kissed him,
Without an explanation,
And both together smiled and said,
"That is multiplication."


But then Dad appeared on the scene
And made a quick decision.
He kicked that kid three blocks away
And said, "That's long division!"