Humor

Sidhu one liners

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

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The 1st Affair:
 
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
 
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
 
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
 
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"

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10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on television.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting himself in trouble.

AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...

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*

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1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"
Towards a better understanding and closer working dynamics.

Culture East Vs West--simple figure matters a lot

    Understanding of Asian culture vs. Western..... ....interesting research.
    It also applies to all Asians, including the Indians, Japanese, Thais, Koreans, Indonesian, Malays, Dayaks, Chinese, etc...

    These icons were designed by Liu Young who was born in China and educated in Germany.

    Blue --> Westerner
    Red --> Asian

Opinion

Culture East v/s West

Culture East v/s West

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Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

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It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.


Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood.


A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it Going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter. "

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them tocollect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" , the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever. " "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy."

This is how stock markets works!!!

Pathan names born in different situations:


Born in Jungle ..........Sher Khan

Born in summer ------- Sharbat Khan

Born during war ------- Barood Khan

Born near ocean ------- Samunder Khan

Born with abnormal features ------- Ajab Khan

Born premature ------- Masti Khan

Born near garden ------- Gul Khan

Born in anger ------- Ghazab Khan

Born in horror ------- Haibat Khan

Born funny ------- Nadia Khan

Born After Suicide Bom ------- Bhadur Khan

Born with talent but no brain ------- Shahid Khan Afridi

Born with Proud of Pakistan-------- Abdul Qadir Khan

Born in Pervaiz Musharaf Government ------ Bardasht Khan

[1]
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
Shuffled to:
FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL

[2]
DILIP VENGSARKAR
Shuffled to:
SPARKLING DRIVE

[3]
BARA THEDA
Shuffled to:
ARAB DEATH

[4]
PRINCESS DIANA
Shuffled to:
END IS A CAR SPIN

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1. The Other Side Law:

If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The Queue Nahin Rule:

If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind Over Matter Law:

If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.

4. The Auto Axiom:

If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an information security leak.

5. The In Spit Of Thing:

The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.

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THE POSTED LISTING

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.


Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock.


250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?

How do I get to her level?

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