Humor



This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of subcontinent


1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

2. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 O' Clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

3. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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EXPRESSION NOT THE LANGUAGE

In a hotel in Ahmedabad:
It Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
**

In a hotel lobby in Surat:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
(Surat, the city of language obscenity)
**

In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.
**

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This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the World's shortest essay competition.


He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for his Imagination and humor ....

Here's an example of absolute Brilliance....

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a Concise essay containing the following elements:


1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery


And……
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The prize-winner wrote:


"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is."

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal.

There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce Friedman

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman

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Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System" as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:

Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.


"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:

If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."


So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:

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Doctor Certified


Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.


It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.


In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/-

Dr. Impatient

Cyber Clinic


* Special offer........ Bring a chit on exam day,  

scratch and show it to your nearest teacher  

and win a free trip to Principal's office
and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.

Hurry offer valid until exams only....


*It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary). Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. Say NO to EXAMS


* Student's declaration at the end of answer paper. It Reminds me of Disclaimer Notices!

"I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2 the best of mine & my friend's knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever for any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious and any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental."
1. HER DIARY
 
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong he said nothing.

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Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'

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This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...   

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
 
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee  who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
 

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